Monday, March 5, 2012

Healing process

 today, i'm going to a girl night out at OldTown!
after crying what seems like eternitiy yesterday,
i want to feel great, i want to feel happy
not happy because he's out of my life
but happy because i let him out of my misery
dear, tell me you WILL be okay, right?
haiz, already no more, but i still yearn to hear him say "it's ok,baby, nvmind"
 gosh, my eyes are wet now. Stop thinking back the memories!!! STOP WEI ANN, STOP!!! I don't want to go to work! I HATE GOING TO WORK WITHOUT HIS TEXTS!!! i just feel so lonely each time...there's nobody to talk to, there's nobody there...i guess life have to move on, it's just sooo fuck up right now. Dad said if i do good things, there will always be a blessing behind it.
i hope dad's right. I bit my fingers to stop myself from texting him

 when i was 5-6 years old == with my sister and sister's complicated.
when i am sad, i tend to go find EVERY single people that i know to chat. I don't care what stuff they talk about, chatting helps to distract myself, i kept playing tetris battle, THAT helps too.

 and looking at my sister, yar, thats her. SHE GIVES ME HOPE..
(i think she will have a big fat monkey grin right now)
her life is sooo smooth right now
(even though her work is soooo fuck up too)
i want to be like her, i want to end up like her, i want to have the glow she has right now.
and yeah, she's 7 yrs older than me, i have to wait for a very LONG year to reach her state.
so, she's a convent girl, went to KTAR for accounting
went to England for Master
went to KL for her first work
then currently at Singapore.
 BUT I DON"T WANT TO TAKE FORM 6 just for the STUPID sake to get into NUS which i don't even know if i can get in or not. I DON"T WANT TO TAKE NON-SENSICAL subjects that are not even relevant to the field that i want to study.

so life in singapore is sooo amazing right? (despite the fact that the expenses can be a bore)
i want to study there, stay there, live there, work there..
even if i can't manage singapore, i go KL..
i don't care,
i don't wanna be in ALOR STAR at all..
(i'm acting like a bitch right now, ain't i?)

still think that my life is sooo fuck up..
sooooooooo fuck up!
good, i used sooo many bad words today..
if parents were to read my blog, they ban their children from reading it

and oh yeah ^^ i drove to Tesco yesterday
imma growing up


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