Saturday, July 26, 2014

behind my instagram photo

Recently i saw someone posted about how instagram pictures vs reality shots
and it got me thinking how true it is the way she wrote . 
Like everybody thought it was picture perfect  and all the shots was actually what it happened, 
but truth is it's just a staged photo

Staged Photo #1 
like this picture of mine
well, i had to command Dan's hand to put it at some angle so that i can snap it, and we are not exactly holding each other hand in reality, both of us are busy playing our phones
so yeah, this is how instagram manipulate us in staging our own fantasy rather than snapping what really happen
Staged photo #2

What other people see: 
oh so sweet! you went swimming with your boyfriend!
what it really was:
i literally have to beg him to snap this haha
because first it's a public pool, he was very embarrassed to take a photo when there's a bunch of people swimming around. For me, i don't think they actually minded or will judge us for anything, i mean they came here to swim, so what if we just take out our phone and snap a few shots? not really embarrasing right?   haha so it was all staged, reality he was dead embarrassed 

staged photo #3
what others see: happen to be getting down the car 
what it really was: the fact that i have to "act" getting down the car about five times to get a good shot is hilarious
and yes, this is a self timer shot, i had to keep clicking the camera each time the camera clicks away , and by the time i get it done, im all sweaty and yucky 

Staged photo #4
What others see: awwh you played ping pong together him, thats sweet
what it really was: ya i DID go play ping pong with him, but most of the time we were actually throwing balls at each other hahahaha
and also throwing the cookie monster at each other too, in fact this way we would sweat it out more than just standing there stagnant hitting ping pong balls on the bat with stoney face. 

Staged photo #5

What others see: me getting ready to travel and waiting with that kind of poofy face .__.
what it really was: the fact that i have to quickly ask my mum to click on the shutter before anyone catches sight of me posing with the luggage was embarrassing ! and the luggage isn't mine at all, i just pick any good looking luggage for the shot and quickly pose with it and be done with it. 
you are all deceived 

Staged photo #6
What everyone think it is: oh you're at a cafe drinking coffee now

Truth is: i do not drink Coffee. XD that was Dan's coffee , i used to drink coffee but it's not too good for me because i have loads of panic attacks, so i do not want to risk getting it again by drinking even a sip of coffee. 
so yeah, this was just staged to tell everyone i'm at a cafe now (: 

Staged photo #7

what everybody think it is: owh you're reading books together with him, that's so sweet
what it really was: the books are props, we can't even understand what language the book was, it was all in German
we just need to do something for a picture haha

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Don't loose myself in you

i've been blogging for FOUR years now, it's a slow progress but this is my 740th post , i never stop blogging for more than two weeks, it's just a part of me and it used to be somewhat a private diary until it gets more attention after i share it out on facebook and it became a public diary
and this literally swallowed me up because i was restrained from writing too much of myself , my private life, my personal thoughts. 

this sucks, i know, i don't want to be drowned in the whirlpool of commercial blog. I call it commercial blog because they keep blogging about product reviews which they were given it free or paid for. 
i done that loads of time, and now it's time to look into it and think properly
do i really like doing all those things? 
or was it because they give you free product that you just really MUST have to try it?
or was it because it will be a nice portfolio for other sponsors to view and you will get a shot of being 'known' off ?

don't loose myself into that whirlpool, no
so right now i am going quiet for awhile till i figure out what i like to do 
i use to blog almost on everything and rant about almost on everything like nobody's business, 
this must come back to me before i start to further indulge myself into products which i am not even interested in. 

alright then , so me and Dan passed our two years together by doing nothing but going swimming and video calling each other every night. 
He is just like my guardian and caretaker, i mean i am more of a dependent rather than being independent. 
this is quite serious because i'm going to uni in another two months time and if i don't pull myself together, i will fall apart
and he never fret whenever i call him to run errands for me. 
like meeting up with my customers, 
go to the post office to post things to me
come to my house whenever i feel unwell and just..well only want to see his face because by looking at him , i will escape reality. 
and no doubt
i gained 3 kg after being in a relationship with him
our dates will always consist of food
and food makes him look skinnier while me looking like a baboon backside
that's unfair, i know
two months for us to stay closer together
and then ,we be off to our new environment with new surrounding 
that sound sad

boxes and boxes from various companies!
there are some companies that think we are too easy to deal with
give us a rm20 voucher code with a minimum spent of rm100 in their website
this is cheap 
there are also some small companies who think we work for free
our time is gold , our blog post is gold too
even a typist in a company whom job is to type letters, get paid money for every letters she typed. 
and we even have to do some research on this website our own and try to comprehend the whole thing on our own
this i shall ignore
but don't you loose yourself in them
i beginning to think what if this is more than whatever i'm diagnose with
like what if the doctor diagnosed wrongly
what if my lungs is the culprit
what if i'm going to die
*touch wood*
constant battle with this has not stop me from going outside and be as normal as possible
of course going outside , i'm always with someone whom i can trust with
like Dan or my family, going out alone still is a challenge for me
you know there'll be nobody there for you once you're outside and alone
don't loose myself in this panic disorder,
never loose myself in it

my online store is doing greeeaaat now!
i remember when i first launch it, there is not much people who seems interested in it. i thought of giving up after my first collection, but then i kept getting engaged at clothes after clothes my suppliers seem to gave me
all the clothes are too pretty to go off hand and i seriously wanted my customer to see how pretty it is!
i try my first few batches of preorder (it takes only 3-5 days compare to other websites which take 2-3 weeks!) yes, i opt for express shipping . 
by then, 
perseverance is the key for success
it blooms gradually, more and more people are flooding in, 
my wechat space are crowding in with new people from all over Malaysia
it's something spectacular to view 
because never would i thought of corresponding with people i never knew off all over Malaysia
i really thank you for those who support me in all my batches
and ya, 
when i grow up (as in when i am able to go outside and find manufactures and factories) i would sooo love to produce my own designs of clothes
your own set of clothes would definitely be more special out there
like my sister said, lots of singapore online store are all self manufactured
this idea seem great because not many shops in Malaysia are self manufactured 

still this will be my temporary job, don't loose myself in this too

one last picture before i end my post here
this was taken at cat cafe , Penang

and i like to live my life happily nowadays, 
i mean i would like to go outside and enjoy , experience something new
before i get thrown into University where i know well my life would be so hectic i can hardly breathe
and panic attacks scares me, i think my roommate would be so terrify at me
anyway, even if life is bad, life eats you up and turn you upside down
i don't really wish to see it makes you miserable the whole time
instead you should fight it
you should look at it and say i can deal with this, i'm going to show you that even if you mess up my life, i WILL be happy!

till then, Dan is going Australia without me
*cry a river *
and he promised say will bring me go Melaka when he gets back
let's see if he still has money to go heritage walking with me or not! Because i'm pretty sure he be dead broke after a week abroad


Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Sexy Short Homecoming Dresses from DressV

Homecoming Dress
i bet all of us have gone through those period of time where we have homecoming, and we are suppose to dress really lovely and attractive (just incase we won the homecoming queen title, haha) anyway, we don't have homecoming in my school, but i use to envy those who have it else where. 
They can get to dress up so pretty and dance with boys and yeah, maybe as a homecoming queen, you get to wear a title. 
anyway, most importantly , is the outfit you wear
some schools had given out title for "the best dress" and yea, where can you find all those lovely outfits that can make you shine. 

so i'm here to bring you sexy homecoming dresses from DressV . 

this is one of my favorite of sexy short homecoming dresses of all
it's cute and it is simple (no over exaggerate details around it) which make you look tone down , well you don't want to be too LOUD for the occasion right? 

this pale yellow is also one of my favorite sexy homecoming dresses. 
just plain simple yet look elegant
DressV  have prepared you a vase of collection for homecoming dresses under 100you're bound to be surprised by the cheap homecoming dresses! After you choose the suitable style, color and size, try it on, you will not be disappointed at DressV store. You can get the most discount and satisfaction in the budget. Just dress you up and add some other accessories which will perfectly match our homecoming dresses.

how about choosing other color homecoming dress?
i always believe all color suits homecoming dance other than white. this is one of my favorite color too and DressV never fail to impress people with their designs. 

 or you can also find his under sexy short homecoming dresses in DressV site
this dress is just the ultimate bomb to flaunt your leg, 
they say a little peekaboo actually add a special charm on your legs 

get all those pretty sexy short homecoming dresses

Thursday, July 3, 2014

(Giveaway) Egyptian Magic all purpose Skin Cream from Natta Cosme

hello guys!
so sorry for the lack of updates recently 
been dealing with loads of panic attacks ~
anyway! today i'll be back again to introduce you the ever popular magic cream that are so widely popular among netizens. 

it's the Egyptian Magic Cream from Natta Cosme~
once again am greeted with a pretty box and  very creative deco item to make the product even more attractive. 
(that is what make Natta Cosme so special compare to other beauty online store)

*don't panic yet, read my review before seeing how you can enter this giveaway to stand a chance to win sample packs of Egyptian Magic Cream from natta Cosme

see! this is what i say so pretty just to pack a few cards inside (: 
this magic cream is an all purpose cream, 
which contains all natural ingredients which you can use it anywhere you like!
i can't believe my eyes when they say you can also use it on your pets 
it is a daily maintenance use for anywhere head to toe, and very economical too, because just a small swap, you can use it plentiful on large area

all the lovely print out cards to get to know this cream better

all those little tips to make you use the cream wisely
tip 1 : for hygienic reason, seperate the cream into a few jars if you are going to use it for your hair, face and body
tip 2: use appropriate amount on the area with gentle massage to absorb and heal the area faster. 

[ Direction ]
Normal usage
1. Cleanse your face thoroughly.
2. Follow by toner.
3. Take out around (1-2 drop size of 20cents), using your finger and palm to gently rub the balm and apply onto your desired area (face area).
4. Slowly massage and dap into your skin. It will absorb less than 5 seconds.
5. Use for day and night.
** usage varies from individual.
** dry skin users can apply more of em cream.
** oily skin and/or combination skin also recommended to use with appropriate amount.
** for scar healing users, please dap appropriate amount on the scar area follow with gentle massage to absorb and heal the scar faster. (wish harry potter can use it for his scar too haha)

Whitening method
* this is a whitening massage and mask method.
1. Cleanse your face thoroughly.
2. Follow by toner and wait after 2 min start the whitening method step.
3. Apply around 50 cents coin size all over the face and neck area.
4. gently massage the whole face with your finger and palm. If you want to lighten your acne scar may spend more time to massage on specify area.
5. After massage, use a warm temperature wet cloth facial towel to cover the whole face for 5 mins.
6. Discard the wet towel and cleanse away the excessive cream on the face.
Make up base method
** This method is raved by Hollywood make up artist Gucci Westman.
** Apply thin layer of EM Cream all over the face before putting foundation.
** You will find your make up able to last whole day long.
Body massage method
** EM Cream can replace any of your body base oil to do body massage.
** Mixed with your desired favor aroma oil with EM Cream for body massage will improve your skin elasticity, firming and toning as well.
** Apply hair end of hair wash. Able to repair split end, moisture hair end, repair damaged hair
Shaving method
** Apply before shaving will help in reducing the sensitiveness and redness after shaved.
** Apply after shaving to protect the fragile shaved area.

Everywhere! omygawdd
though i don't think i would ever use it on my body (because it is already oily as it seem) my body is really dehydrating and very lackluster at time.  did i mention i have slight eczema on my arm too? so i be so glad to use this cream on my body! (: 

all the natural ingredient 
it is suitable for sensitive skin too (:

skin moisturizer, makeup remover, diaper rash, skin rash, clear up foot odor chicken pox, stretch marks, athletes foot, sun and wind moisture protection
(NOT A SUNSCREEN), aromatherapy, essential oils, fungus, hemorrhoids, vaginal moisturizer, vaginal cream, cold sores, chapped lips, dry skin, itchy skin,
cracked skin, ashy skin, massage lotion, massage oil, shaving cream for legs and face, after-shave cream for legs and face, relief from razor bumps, dry scalp,
itchy scalp, "hair tamer", hot oil hair treatment, surgical incisions, skin irritations, eczema, scars, tattoo, pets/animals: dogs cats horses, help to prevent pregnancy stretch marks 
The actual product!
RM89.90 for 59ml 
(mind you it's worth the money when all the best ingredient is inside) 

and when you think of Nefertiti and Cleopatra having smooth and glowing skin, you would want this . haha

inside of the jar, yes my first thought was o.o
okay i sort of used it already haha, it was pretty oily at first touch, 
VERY oily when apply

before : applied : after 
(quite smooth right the outlook of it)
at first it was too oily for my liking, i thought maybe this is suitable for those living at four seasons country where you can use it during cold days where you won't look like a grease ball, 
but be patient, 
after massaging it and letting it absorb fully into the skin, 
it's VERY smooth and moist (in a good way though)
i bet our boyfriend would never grow tired holding our hands after that
*sly smile*

okay, now i am more interested in their make up removing power effect
how can a cream remove make up nih?
first time i hear lah, but i know that MOST oil base liquid or cream can work as make up remover
so let's see if it DOES really do it's wonder: 
result below : (sorry i look like a gorilla here with all my hairs around gah! )

okay just use a cotton pad wipe it off after you had apply this magic cream
and it works like magic
your make up is permanently gone


Click on to this link (below )

type in my name in the first question !
and fill in everything it ask

Stand a chance to win Egyptian Magic All Purpose Skin Cream sample pack
giveaway ends on 15th of July 
so hurry hurry

for more information on this product and where to get them 


i used it on my lips too!
so i can't stop snapping selfie so here you go 

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

How to deal with panic attack

Hi , this is something unrelated to what i usually blog about, but it is related to me anyway
This happen 2 months ago, i can still remember clearly which date and what day it was because it was 3 days before Dan's birthday , ahaha
alright, it happen right after sitting in the car from Penang to Alor Star back, obviously i been traveling too much because that week i went to Penang three times ! 
i thought it was caffeine attack because i drank too much coffee and i felt very weird after drinking that.
I can still remember the first panic attack i have, i feel like the whole world is crumbling on my feet, i can't breathe, i had that kind of out of body sensation, i was so giddy i can't even walk, my whole body was shaking, jittering i need badly to squeeze something because i can't feel myself,my heart beat was so fast i thought i had a heart attack,  i felt like dying ):

my parents try to detoxify me with juice thinking that it was the caffeine effect, ya, i swallowed alot of liquid that night, and i slept like a zombie
the next day i went to see the doctor, we both thought it was just caffeine attack so he gave me palpitation pills to reduce my heart rate because it was still beating like a choo choo train . 

it settled down for one day i happily went Penang again .__. stupid me 
then it strike again the next day after working . i can't breathe much, damn, i hate that sensation i can feel it now when i type this. gahh

anyway the very next day we went to the hospital this time and did ECG, blood test and urine test, and everything is just positive. nothing is wrong with me and the doctor thought it was stress. 
i came back the hospital after one week of getting numerous attacks , it usually happen 3 times a day but i'm glad as days go by it reduced to once a day only (still it is unpredictable, like today, it actually strikes twice and i dread for it to happen again tonight)

anyway, after seeing him twice he refer me to another doctor and after that that doctor diagnose me with panic disorder ): 
yaya people would just say "you got panic meh?" "you panic what?"
i no panic ! thank you!
but he gave me a booklet that explains everything i need to know

"panic attacks may occur even if you are watching a movie, eating or even sleeping. The first attack may be triggered by something, and the next thing you know you are having several attacks later even though you are cleared off from any problems." 

then i googled alot and realize (see picture below)

and most of them deal with them for 5 to even 20 years
this is quite saddening to hear that i have to go through it for so long 
i was given medication but i had terrible side effects after consuming it, 
so i swore off medication and opt for exercising to help me breathe better
good thing is after exercising , my frequent attacks had been reduced 

1.ways to deal with your panic attack

they say you must breathe slowly and deeply
the more i try to breathe slowly and deeply, the more lightheaded i felt
i am totally hopeless in breathing properly
i just can't! if i concentrate too much i will faint.
this solution doesn't work for me
although some say it works like miracle 

this of course is bad advice
nah, they say you must ACCEPT it
yes don't fight it, don't hope for it to stop, don't wait for it to stop, don't say "please don't happen right now, i got important things to do"
instead sit and talk to yourself
errr if you're in public do it mentally
i think this helps in calming down, 
each time it happen to me, i just tell myself it will go off after 15-30 minutes (yes , mine is that long! )
that within this 15-30 minutes , they will not kill me
of course it will cause lots of discomfort
but they won't kill me
err i hope

okay, i use to anticipate for the next attack to come
everytime i sit or do something vigorous, my mind seem to be playing tricks on me saying that "you shouldn't be doing this, you will have your attack soon!"
gaaah, anticipation will really disrupt your daily routine
i don't want to go out unless i'm going together with someone i can rely on
i don't wan to be alone because i'm afraid what if something happen to me and there is no one there to save me?

i did something amazing just now because i was alone and i had TWO panic attacks
seeing that there is nobody there and nobody to call to
i on  Youtube and search for "how to deal with panic attack naturally"
alot of video helps, and all the narrator are speaking calming advice to you
take that advice and apply it at what you are feeling right now
truth to be told, it went off after 5 minutes of listening to them

yes, it is still best to consult a doctor just to be sure. 
haha and he will give you all sorts of advice to control your attacks too
mine was breathing through a paperbag but i find it hard to do that~

so i'm just going to do it my way 
which is the slow way

which is 

1. Exercising 

2. Avoiding food that may cause heart palpitation like caffeine and alcohol

3. just sit and wait for it to go off after 15-30 minutes (: rather than freaking out and trying to push it away, i sit and then squeeze something to push any discomfort away. by squeezing something like a plush toy will avoid any out of body sensation and help you recover fast (, but that is my way anyway you can try it if you want) 

and please to outside people, panic disorder is not what schizophrenia sickness okay? i won't go running around with the knife trying to chop you apart. 
it's just something that your nervous system went wrong~
damn offended when people say i'm under depression or something or i will go around getting insane and heated up
what goes around comes around anyway
it's not something to make fun off anyway, 
you can laugh now
but can you laugh when you get it later on?
because studies show that 1 out of 75 people might experience it