things had become clearer and clearer to me now. I had NO interest in my FORM 6 subjects. what can Perniagaan (business), Economy,and BM do to my future? i know well i'm not going to do something related to those subjects, so why am i wasting my time here?
i reacted to this, after getting the news that i finally GOT MAKTAB PERGURUAN!
but hell, they posted me to KUALA LIPIS, PAHANG. You take teksi out (maybe you can't even find one!) you'll see jungle, you'll see elephants, don't be surprise if you see TARZAN swinging around the trees..
so i did a lot of evaluation.
am i going to spend 5 years in a jungle?
so i decided, i won't go there anymore~
but on the other hand, am i going to waste my time sitting here for FORM SIX?
yar i know, it will be the first step to get a spot at UPM or USM for their music course. but i'm afraid i won't be able to get good result for STPM that whatever shit university will not accept me.
and that time, my parents are force to dig out money for me to go UCSI
so why waste my time now??
atcually, you see, i had a plan. YOu can't be serious that i'm going to take up this teaching course right? i thought it would be in KL, so meanwhile at there, i will go to ICOM and take up their part time courses to obtain an AUDIO PRODUCTION certificate.
but it's all crasshed nw~~ all bullshit larh
i google up the place, it looks worst than my present school.
atcually i wouldn't even want to say that, it will be an insult towards my present school.
mummy still blames me for not going to NANYANG POLYTECH~
you see, i couldn't tell why exactly is the MAIN reason i didn't want to go.
i feel sooo stressed up everytime i think about going there.
maybe first it was because the living expenses is INSANE
Rm1250 for a room per month?
Rm25 per day for food?
2nd: it ws MeDIA production
3rd: DIPLOMA ONLY! (you have to fight for the 5% spot to get yourself a chance to pursue your degree) IMAGINE THAT!
4th:you had to be tied down for 3 yrs
(so imagine if you couldn't make it to the top 5%, you can only get your degree after 9 years)
There's a last wish ~ i totally give up on UPM when i no that there is no such thing as FOUNDATION IN MUSIC. SO don't tell me we will be automatically be selected to go to DEGREE? it's been three sickening months of waiting for their answers but they kept postponing it till i feel hopeless.
my last wish is to go UCSI?
bt i know what my parents will say
"WHY SPEND SO MUCH MONEY FOR YOU TO STUDY MUSIC!?! I MIGHT AS WELL SPEND THE SAME AMOUNT OF MONEY FOR YOU TO STUDY SOMETHING WORTHY"
so this is why pursuing your dreams is IMPOSSIBLE without FINACIAL NEEDS.
You can't do it without your parents support, money!
you can't do it at all, you can't REACH your DREAMS without it
It is SOOO HARD for me to reach out for it. people will just say
why don't u be patience, work hard for your STPM so that the government will give you what you want. With that, you don't need to depend on your family, right?
so maybe that pathway is where i need to take
even though i hate the fact that it had NOTHING to do with what i'm going to do 5 yrs later.
i blurted out sooo much
things had becoming clearer and clearer now
music is what i want.
don't give me crap that with my kind of result, i should do something better
you can't force me~ you don't own me~