Fighting to forget

it's going to be the end of year now. 
to think that so much had changed in just such short period of time
when the person you once used to know so deeply had eventually become a stranger

I'm sure nobody knows why i did that, nor when no matter what rumors had flooded into their ear, they just analyse things at their own point of view. 
i can't blame them, what i did was wrong or maybe just plain selfish.

but i chose not to hide, in other words, i made a decision to choose and not be greedy. Being greedy will be even sinful. you can't have two, your heart can only affords for one.
and i'm sure there will be still others waiting for me to fall down and laughed and mockingly tell me " i told you so,"

which in fact, i can't help it they had created this thoughts of theirs because what i did was wrong. you know i used to think that way to somebody else who had did the same thing to my friend. I loathed her for a reason. 
When i'm in her shoes, it's a different story. (well maybe in her case, it's another special reason)

But had they dig deeper and ask why is it that i did that. 
They think it's easy, but no, it's not. 
Up until now i'm still reminiscing. 
Up until now it haunts me in my sleep.
like this morning.. i woke up in tears.
just to realize, maybe it was the memories that matters, not the person anymore. 

and i got my answer now, there's no turning back. i need to focus, i need to pull my strings together and look forward instead of keep going back. 
There's someone there in front of me , but i keep looking back. it's not fair . Not fair for both sides.

move on, girl, just move on. 
No matter how many memories that loops around me all the time, 
how many things i try to clear off but can't because there's just too many in 3 years

i chose this
i had to remind myself from time to time, again and again. 
it's my decision.

He, 
is waiting for me infront. 
Goodbye, past.

xoxo
Ann