Don't loose myself in you

i've been blogging for FOUR years now, it's a slow progress but this is my 740th post , i never stop blogging for more than two weeks, it's just a part of me and it used to be somewhat a private diary until it gets more attention after i share it out on facebook and it became a public diary

and this literally swallowed me up because i was restrained from writing too much of myself , my private life, my personal thoughts. 

this sucks, i know, i don't want to be drowned in the whirlpool of commercial blog. I call it commercial blog because they keep blogging about product reviews which they were given it free or paid for. 

i done that loads of time, and now it's time to look into it and think properly

do i really like doing all those things? 

or was it because they give you free product that you just really MUST have to try it?

or was it because it will be a nice portfolio for other sponsors to view and you will get a shot of being 'known' off ?

don't loose myself into that whirlpool, no

so right now i am going quiet for awhile till i figure out what i like to do 

i use to blog almost on everything and rant about almost on everything like nobody's business, 

this must come back to me before i start to further indulge myself into products which i am not even interested in. 

alright then , so me and Dan passed our two years together by doing nothing but going swimming and video calling each other every night. 

He is just like my guardian and caretaker, i mean i am more of a dependent rather than being independent. 

this is quite serious because i'm going to uni in another two months time and if i don't pull myself together, i will fall apart

and he never fret whenever i call him to run errands for me. 

like meeting up with my customers, 

go to the post office to post things to me

come to my house whenever i feel unwell and just..well only want to see his face because by looking at him , i will escape reality. 

and no doubt

i gained 3 kg after being in a relationship with him

our dates will always consist of food

and food makes him look skinnier while me looking like a baboon backside

that's unfair, i know

two months for us to stay closer together

and then ,we be off to our new environment with new surrounding 

that sound sad

boxes and boxes from various companies!

anyway

there are some companies that think we are too easy to deal with

give us a rm20 voucher code with a minimum spent of rm100 in their website

this is cheap 

there are also some small companies who think we work for free

our time is gold , our blog post is gold too

even a typist in a company whom job is to type letters, get paid money for every letters she typed. 

and we even have to do some research on this website our own and try to comprehend the whole thing on our own

this i shall ignore

but don't you loose yourself in them

i beginning to think what if this is more than whatever i'm diagnose with

like what if the doctor diagnosed wrongly

what if my lungs is the culprit

what if i'm going to die

lol

*touch wood*

constant battle with this has not stop me from going outside and be as normal as possible

of course going outside , i'm always with someone whom i can trust with

like Dan or my family, going out alone still is a challenge for me

you know there'll be nobody there for you once you're outside and alone

don't loose myself in this panic disorder,

never loose myself in it

my online store is doing greeeaaat now!

i remember when i first launch it, there is not much people who seems interested in it. i thought of giving up after my first collection, but then i kept getting engaged at clothes after clothes my suppliers seem to gave me

all the clothes are too pretty to go off hand and i seriously wanted my customer to see how pretty it is!

i try my first few batches of preorder (it takes only 3-5 days compare to other websites which take 2-3 weeks!) yes, i opt for express shipping . 

by then, 

perseverance is the key for success

it blooms gradually, more and more people are flooding in, 

my wechat space are crowding in with new people from all over Malaysia

it's something spectacular to view 

because never would i thought of corresponding with people i never knew off all over Malaysia

i really thank you for those who support me in all my batches

and ya, 

when i grow up (as in when i am able to go outside and find manufactures and factories) i would sooo love to produce my own designs of clothes

your own set of clothes would definitely be more special out there

like my sister said, lots of singapore online store are all self manufactured

this idea seem great because not many shops in Malaysia are self manufactured 

still this will be my temporary job, don't loose myself in this too

one last picture before i end my post here

this was taken at cat cafe , Penang

and i like to live my life happily nowadays, 

i mean i would like to go outside and enjoy , experience something new

before i get thrown into University where i know well my life would be so hectic i can hardly breathe

and panic attacks scares me, i think my roommate would be so terrify at me

haha

anyway, even if life is bad, life eats you up and turn you upside down

i don't really wish to see it makes you miserable the whole time

instead you should fight it

you should look at it and say i can deal with this, i'm going to show you that even if you mess up my life, i WILL be happy!

till then, Dan is going Australia without me

*cry a river *

and he promised say will bring me go Melaka when he gets back

let's see if he still has money to go heritage walking with me or not! Because i'm pretty sure he be dead broke after a week abroad

(pouting)

xoxo

ANN