thoughts to ponder on

i know i NEED to hand in a review post by this week, i'm working on it, i didn't know uni life would be so hectic , like i had just sign up for "the biggest Loser" weight reduction program which never works because after all the walking i get hungrier faster. 

but this is not the point for this sudden night post
you see i signed up for Jazz Band which i thought it would be cool. I didn't know it would be some sort of "orchestra oriented" thing which i had develop a sudden loathe towards it because of practicing in a large group and you can't even hear what you are playing. 
nobody HEARS you. i thought it would be a band oriented where you can form your own band, learn new instruments, play your pop song, jamming together, have fun! i went through orchestra for almost 8 years already and none of it was pleasant because of late practices and playing accompanying notes instead of the melody . i don't like to play accompanying notes, i don't know why, it just doesn't sound like a song when u pick up the violin trying to practice it as firsthand
no, i do not like orchestra.it is not my thing even though i got 8 years of experience in it.

i was very excited when they have the audition booth opened for any freshmen to enter. a violinist was playing solo with all the famous pop song like Let it go, Frozen, i thought i wanted to be that. That is ME. but i didn't know that i would be signing up for orchestra activities too ): 
Everyone was so professional and the  lecturer is sooo stern and fierce.   they play till almost midnight and there's no bus and i have to walk all the way back to my hostel which took 35 minutes (my roommate actually timed it) 
okay bratty me couldn't even walk for 35 minutes for three times a week 
oh well, if u everyday got class and u have to walk here and there and at night u have to walk again, especially up the hill, you get what i mean
and it's dark...

and dangerous

you can picture zombie apocalypse coming

*troll laugh*

 i went during the morning session, decided to skip the rest to go on an important mission for my friend. then realize we had took up 7 hours for that mission and came back hostel already exhausted just to receive a message from my roommate about whether im coming or not because they are asking for me. T-T i just recovered from my sickness and i don't know i felt such a big heavy burden being placed upon me

Now i post a question to myself
"am i happy when i'm there?" 
"so far, no."
"do you think it's worth the effort?"
"to get my csd to ensure a hostel spot next year? Yes."
"But are you willing to commit?"
"No, when things become stressful, any commitment becomes a burden"

i talked to my friends, 
they ask me to drop , maybe when things become un-enjoyable, it's time to stop
when i think of dropping it and had made up my mind, i felt a weight lifted out from my shoulder
like , finally! i have free time~ i am able to balance my life, i am able to do the things i like (not to say i don't like music, I DO, just not my genre), i can go back to my hometown every week! i miss my family ): i miss my blogging life ): i miss my online shop
maybe, with this burden dropped, i be able to blog during the weekend, spend time with my family, do some online sales ? instead of being tied down 3 years with a big family but no freedom to do what i want ):

i think i make my decision clear then ): hope it's still in time
and i do hope i didn't offend any of my seniors there 

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Next i would like to thank a lot of helpful friends , without them i don't know where will i be or stand
even to those who only knew of me for 2-3 weeks. 
Danelle, Amanda, Juee , Wilfred , Choon, Miaohuan and her roommmate (without them i won't be able to get into BM class ) , Choon , adrie , susu, hueyfern,  Julia (even though we are not close during class), shekinah, boon n andrew


xoxo
Ann